Cracked.

She could feel it in her chest, lying there, gushing bits of life into the space around her. The substance that poured out could only be given once and she didn’t even know him. She had guarded the seal that encased it, but somehow, she had let him in to chisel a hole. He didn’t deserve to open it; he had sharp, jagged tools and didn’t know how to use them properly. But the damage was done. The hole cracked to be bigger and deeper and now she was leaking, giving parts to someone she didn’t understand and to someone who didn’t understand her. This wasn’t what she wanted.

Why was it happening to her? She wallowed in self pity. She knew why, she’d been naive. Again. She thought she had learned from last time, but it wasn’t true. As soon as she could, she had slipped and fallen into the green eyed cage. Once she thought it would be okay to trust him, to let him see her like she was now, leaking out her life for him to admire and dance in. Now she understood. The hole was gushing into an uncaring expanse. It was being ignored. It was unwanted.

Gathering what she could into the palms of her hands, she clutched her chest. The flow that was still streaming out was soft and warm, but what she held in her hands was brittle and cold. Closing her eyes, she pushed, forcing what she could into the depths of her body. She groaned in pain as the parts struggled to reconnect. Then it was done; the seal was in place, harder to break than before. Looking around her, she could see the bits that she had missed sparkle and fade away.

Next time, she hoped, the man who opened the seal would have the smooth, perfect tools that the gentle work required.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6